“It is only safe to stay in my lonely, sad, but very safe world.”

My schizoid personality framework and some treatment technique for those who describe themselves as “lonely, introverted, weird, socially awkward, staying in their own world, and even, schizoid”.

*These are my direct work journals (the direct patient contact is of course taken away).

I myself grew up as a child that’s deeply into my fantasy world. I loved literatures, movies and arts - anything that can take me away from the unpleasant real world. I remember that feeling, and helping people who felt similarly became my first clinical interest upon my career.

01.

Personality Framework for Those that Stay In Their Own World : Schizoid Withdrawal

We experience trauma as kids, infants, or adults…and we develop a way to cope with it. It is called “defense mechanism”.

Some people defend themselves from spooky or scary world by trying to connect, like those who are outgoing; but someone defend themselves by “withdrawal”, by freezing, staying silent, not feeling anything in their mind, not feeling anything in their body, not sharing, not talking.

An example of that could be an artist, who may describe themselves as socially awkward and introverted, however, they create an awesome world in their fantasies (that used to describe me).

Another example could be someone who freezes and has nothing to say, to share, or to feel, when being asked, “how do you feel?”.

This is not an illness.

This is a kind of personality; we call it Schizoid Personality.

02.

Schizoid vs. Schizophrenia 

A fun fact: Withdrawal is the core of schizoid and schizophrenia. In some way, all of us have some sort of “schizophrenic” moments through our life.

By saying “withdrawal”, I am talking about a way of leaving a situation by getting out of your body. We all do it, if we feel overwhelmed.

Then, how are they different?

Schizoids are aware that the fantasy world is still “fake”, but the schizophrenic is losing the boundary between reality and fantasy.

Schizoid: They use a lot of withdrawal, but they know that there is a fantasy world. They are just defending themselves from a scary real world, and they know that the world there is still “fake”.

Schizophrenia: They totally come back into their own world. The real world is not real anymore, or they can not tell which is real anymore.

03.

I Work With Withdrawal, Not Against It.

I will work with people’s needs to go into their own world, instead of against it. 

For people who have difficulties sharing their vulnerability, there is only withdrawal and no contact, or there is very few contact and a lot of withdrawal. 

And there might be a lot reason for this. 

A major reason: They are afraid of losing themselves. 

I will listen for Narcissistic and overwhelming caretakers in childhood.

How so?

Everyone needs to contact to others, and to move away from the contact when they need to.

But schizoids are only staying in their own world, and does not have any kind of contact…in fear of of losing themselves, probably due to earlier traumatic experiences with controlling and overwhelming world (or caretakers).

What is problematic is that - they do not ONLY withdrawal from the world, the love, the affections, and so on.

But they ALSO withdrawal from their own body and somatic experiences. 

04.

I also listen for…

• Self-hurt behaviors (“I am feeling too numb. I need to do something to feel something.”)

• Inadequate ADL (“I don’t feel the need to eat. I am underweight. I only eat whenever I was told to.”) 

05.

A Myth: Do These People Want Love?

But, why those who describe themselves as “introverted, socially awkward, on their own minds” still have friends, still go to therapy, still have sex, or still marry? 

Because they are far away from intimacy for multiple reasons, but their need for closeness is still there. 

I hear things like, “I still marry, or go to therapy, but I don’t think it has any meanings or I feel loved.”

But they still stay married, or come to my therapy all the time.

And then I can see a discrepancy: they still want love, but they do not feel safe…

And according to what they experienced in the past, love and intimacy means loss of self (autonomy) . 

“It is only safe to stay in my lonely, sad, but very safe world.” 

06.

A Side Note for New Therapists: In Working With Schizophrenics

Currently, I do not work with clients who are schizophrenic. As an independent private practitioner, I do not feel ethical to work with a population that usually requires intensive care coordination.

However, before opening my private practice, I used to be a therapist and supervisor in a community health center, and I worked intensively with people who are schizophrenic. Some of my most rewarding work was accomplished there, and I would like to write a little bit about what I found helpful in my past work.

If you are a therapist, when you work with people who are schizophrenic, don’t assume that they are simply “crazy or hopeless”.  

Listen for their fantasy and “delusions”.

The delusion is quoted, as a reminder that we do not challenge the client’s delusion as delusion.

We acknowledge how important it is for them to have the experience, and it is real for them,

Don’t call it delusions. It is a medical word, and it denies that it feels real for the client, and the client is experiencing it right now.

Speaking of family intervention, it is not only about talking to family to make sure the client is taking meds, but listen for the family members’ descriptions of the client, how the client is judged, made assumptions of, or treated.

Maybe it’s a way to go to work with the family to give the client more space.